Anyone who lives, or has ever lived in New England knows the inherent pride they carry for their beloved Patriots (but they probably just say Pats). Unfortunately, I am Pats fan living in Chicagoland, so you can imagine how that’s received. Most of my family is from Maine, so I always enjoy traveling back East not only for the coastline and seafood. I love being back in New England because, not only am I surrounded by fellow Pats fans- their one-liners, zingers, and typical phrases about Brady, Belichick, Deflategate (allegedly), and all matters Patriots related are pure gold. Here are a few of my favorites:
- This is going to be the year
As Pats fans, we’re spoiled. Not in a bad way, but in a way that we expect to win every year. The past two decades have been an endless road of trophies, rings, and newspaper headlines. The bar is set high, it’s not easy being the best…but somebody’s gotta do it.
- We have the best (insert any position) in the league!
Best hands in the league? Danny Amendola. Best slot player? Julian Edelman. Best quarterback? We all know the answer to that. The confidence Pats fans have in their players is uncontested.
- Denver sucks
In 2014 and 2016 the Patriots suffered tragic losses to the Denver Broncos in the AFC Championship. At any given moment (or on Any Given Sunday) if any quasi-positive thing is mentioned about the Broncos, you can expect backlash from us Pats fans. Warning for those visiting from Colorado, hide that orange.
- Fire Goodell!
Someone asked me if I thought the devil was real and I said yes, he’s the NFL commissioner. Not only is Roger Goodell the SOLE reason Brady was suspended, do you remember when he wiped the booger on that girl during this year’s draft?! I mean, come on. He’s simply the worst.
- Tom Brady is the G.O.A.T!
Five Superbowl Rings, two MVPs, three children with two models, and almost two decades of total domination. Along with his impressive list of accomplishments, Brady is one of the most respected athletes ever. People acknowledge and appreciate his drive for excellence and his ability to overcome adversity. Fans of the Patriots will defend the elite athlete regardless of controversy, personal appearance, or judgement.
- Deflate this (Points to crotch)
For Pats fans, our biggest cross to bear is the past allegations of cheating. The evidence everyone uses to attack the organization is the Deflategate Scandal. Most Pats fans I know have done their research, their I’s are dotted, their T’s are crossed, and spreadsheets have been made. Unless you’re ready to talk PSI of footballs in 50-something degree weather, I’d steer clear of this topic with us.
- I’d kill to be Tom Brady for a day!
The man has it all; a supermodel wife, a beautiful family, endorsements, super bowl rings, MVP awards. All men envy him and most women want to sleep with him. Love for Tommy Boy transcends knows no gender roles.
- I guarantee you we go at least 12-4
When the start of the 2017-2018 season gets closer you can bet this conversation will be as common as saying thank you, good morning, and hello. The idea of losing more than four games is almost unheard of for those on the East Coast. Any more than four losses and we’ve got some salty Yankees on our hands.
- The Dynasty has fallen (After first loss)
I’m guilty of acting like this many times in the past 3 years. Seeing this almost untouchable team get beat for the first time in the season is alarming and frightens all who watch the game. The loss provokes even more fear when at the hands of the Bills, Jets, or Dolphins (who even likes those guys?).
- The Dynasty lives on! (After bounce back win)
The stress and relief cycle that all East Coast football fans face is unparalleled throughout the world. After a loss, it feels as if the world is over and fans start getting ready to hole up and hide for the rest of the season, but after a statement win the rest of the opponents for the season look like powder puffs. I think it is safe to say us Patriot fans aren’t always the best at emotion regulation.
- Peyton only beat the record because he had the best receiving corps of all time!
Enter stereotypical patriots fan, king of hyperbole! Yes, Peyton did beat the record with guys like Demaryius Thomas, Eric Decker, Emmanuel Sanders, and Julius Thomas, but didn’t Brady have Randy Moss? All I’m going to say is that the passing touchdowns in a season record cannot be obtained singlehandedly.
Down 28-3 in the third, 19 points in the fourth, overtime victory there is only one thing to say…
- 2014: Aqib Talib is the best corner in the NFL
2015: Darrelle Revis is the best corner in the NFl
2016: Malcolm Butler is the best corner in the NFL
Over the last three years, the Patriots have had three cornerstone cornerbacks which cemented the team’s secondary. All three have made huge plays, but when you have someone like Richard Sherman ensuing actual fear in opposing quarterbacks the word “best” seems a little extra.
- (Insert team) are a bunch of chumps!
Since 2011 the Patriots have not lost a Divisional Playoff game. That is a crazy statistic when considering how quickly the teams progress and regress. This dramatic statement might be crude and excessive but its origins hold great truth.
- I hate David Tyree.
And Bernard Pollard, but I digress…Any fan that watched the 2008 Superbowl will never forget the catch that David Tyree made to help the Giants come back and beat the Patriots. A nobody (had four receptions for 35 yards the whole season) tore down the Patriots with an unbelievable catch. You may as well call him “he who shall not be named” because his name fills all in New England with fear and pain.
- In Bill We Trust
No one can deny the fact that Bill has given New England a source of genuine pride. He has taken the Patriots to 7 Superbowls since 2000, winning 5 of them. When the offseason starts every year, each fan relaxes back and watches as the man works his magic.
- Does your Quarterback have kids with two different models?
Tom Brady has three children in total split between two different models! His first born, John, was born in 2007 to Bridget Moynahan. In 2009 Brady married Brazilian supermodel, Gisele Bündchen, with whom he had two more children. If winning five superbowls isn’t enough to convince someone that this man has it made then this superstar fact should.
- Drew Bledsoe who?
This one goes out to the newer fans born after ’95. Tom Brady is the only quarterback we have ever known and we never consider how good Bledsoe was. Drew Bledsoe led the Patriots to a Superbowl and was a great quarterback. Unfortunately for Bledsoe he suffered an injury in 2001 which allowed Tom Brady to come to stardom.
- Hate us cause they ain’t us!
Gather fans from all 31 other teams in the NFL and ask them what team they hate the most in the NFL and I can guarantee you that the number one hated team is the New England Patriots. Honestly how can anyone blame them? The way the Patriots play the game of football is painful to watch if you aren’t a patron of the team. They are so methodical with each pass, run, tackle, and block that finding a weakness is close to impossible. Hate on us but you can’t deny skill.
- I call it the Bill Belichick Trophy
The Lombardi Trophy is awarded to the winner of the superbowl each and every year. Bill Belichick is a god amongst men in the coaching world. For us fans he has brought us hope and pride along with a burning passion for the game of football. With the Pats, consistently being in contention for the Lombardi Trophy maybe it is time to swap up the names.